thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
