It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
