If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
