I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
