some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
