Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
