i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
