Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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