In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
