Got a toothbrush?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
