They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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