you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
