she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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