I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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