I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
