That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
