I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
