and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
