did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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