I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
