Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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