He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
