ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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