The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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