i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think my moral compass just broke
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
