we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
