Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
