I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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