u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
