That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
