well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
