got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
