sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
