You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
