I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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