I'm drive I can fine osifer
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
