I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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