HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
