yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
