what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
