Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
