Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
