So drunk its hurt
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
