Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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