tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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