Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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