Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
