I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
