remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
