Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
