break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
